16.9.15

olsaydı ile bulsaydı

" I need to stop being in love with the ideas of what could have been. We could have slowly inched closer and held each other a little tighter. We could have laughed a little harder and fallen in love some more. There are so many things that could have happened, but didn’t. We almost were. We almost weren’t. We almost happened. Cupid almost won. But he didn’t. And we didn’t either."

6.9.15

As little as you want to write when you're happy that's how much you have to write when you're miserable.

-You're really thrown by all this, aren't you?
-I, uh, yes. Uh-huh.
-I must say that in my culture, it's not judged so harshly.
-Okay, but we're not in your culture. We're in my culture and in my culture... if we didn't have things to judge harshly... we wouldn't know what to do all day.
-Well, maybe your culture needs to grow. Maybe there are other ways to look at life. Maybe there are some people you marry... and people you love.
-Arielle, you're older than I am, you're wiser I'm sure... and you've seen much more of the world. And you're beautiful, and elegant... and smart, and funny ... and interesting... and you feel like family, which is wonderful.
-Are you seriously telling me that a but is coming at the end of the sentence?
-Yes, but...being with you... would be...an affair... and to me ...not ethical. Unethical. Not good...ethically.
-I must respect your ethics if I ask you to respect mine. Should you change your mind, I will continue to be out there... smoking nook on Fridays. But if I never see you again... do know that...I will always remember you very fondly.
-Are you okay?
-I'm sad. It was the beginning.
-Of what?
-Belief.

The following Friday right about after lunchtime the pace of work began to slow. I knew where she was and it was all I could think about.

By the Friday after that.. Well, look, French girls just aren't good for your work habits. And it killed me... that she was lighting her own cigarette.

By the Friday after that..